Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
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