He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
