You just made me feel so damn special
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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