i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
