sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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