Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Randomize
