Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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