redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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