I'm laying in your front yard are you home
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
