It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
