just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Randomize
