First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Randomize
