my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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