My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
I feel like abortions should bother me more
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
