After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
