I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
