Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
