Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
