went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
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