i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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