strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
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