none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
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