He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Randomize
