if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
