It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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