i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
I could make wine with my vomit
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
