is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize