You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Randomize