Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
