I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
stop calling my apartment porn island.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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