Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
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