You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
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