oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
