you turned your livingroom into a bong?
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Randomize
