a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I'm like, not good at living.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
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