No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Randomize
