We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
We have started to decorate penises.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
