THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
