Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
