Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize