haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Randomize
