well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
