Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Randomize
