that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
