I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
