Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
