It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Farmville is her only friend.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
