What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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