He asked to "fluff my boner.."
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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