I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
