FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
