It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Randomize
