i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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