Betty ford says i'm here all night
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
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