do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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