All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize
