This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
