Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Randomize
