even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
