What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize