So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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