Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
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