she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Randomize