I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
