he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
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