Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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