he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
mondays should just be called national damage control day
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
