Did you just see the Batmobile???
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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