He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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