five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Randomize
