i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
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